Helping Children Find their Brave

3rd – 9th February 2020 is Child Mental Health Week and the theme is Find your Brave, which is a fabulous topic to discuss and raise awareness. Children (and adults too!) often think that being brave is something that confident and super successful people achieve with ease. But that’s far from the truth. When people are being brave, they don’t even feel brave. Usually, children associate brave with being fearless. Helping them to understand that brave is usually accompanied by anxiety, nerves and fear is a great foundation to them believing they are braver than they think! As a child, I wasn’t taught the difference and so to me, everyone seemed to be braver than I was. I was such an anxious child that I was actually being brave daily! And when I really was being brave, I often heard phrases like, “see, it wasn’t that hard was it?” It’s the way parents parented in the 1980’s, but a simple rephrasing would have been far more empowering and a confidence boost for me (see suggestions below).
 
Bravery looks different to each of us. Our experiences form the way we respond emotionally, so one person might have to dig deeper for courage than another in the same situation. Being brave isn’t only about facing challenges, but also about saying no or disagreeing with someone. This could be especially true for children under peer pressure. In this case, following their gut feeling could show real courage. This could easily be interpreted as being scared or weak unless we empower them with knowledge and celebrate their brave moments.
 
Here’s some suggestions to help you talk to your child about bravery:

• What does brave look like to you?
• When do you need to find courage?
• How does brave feel to you?
• Can you think of someone who has done something brave?
• When have you doubted yourself and been brave?
• When have you felt nervous and been brave?
• When you have you been afraid and been brave?
• Have you ever stood up to someone?

 
And here’s some things you could say to empower your child to help them find their brave:

• I love that you did that hard thing.
• That must have been tough, but you must feel proud you did it.
• You probably don’t feel brave, but I can see you are.
• It’s OK to change your mind.
• It’s OK to not feel brave.

 
Being brave is closely linked to having a growth mindset. When children don’t fear failing and are willing to have a go, they really can find their brave. And when you empathise with them and talk about times you’ve been brave too, they’ll feel the safety and security they need to step out of their comfort zone.