The other evening, my husband and I sat chatting over a glass of wine and, as parents do, we very quickly began talking about the children. We often analyse our own parenting. It just seems natural to us, in our bid to raise decent humans, that we reflect on the things that go well. Or don't. 

My husband said that lockdown has left him feeling guilty. Welcome to my everyday, buddy. Despite seeing so much of the kids and being around the lunch and dinner table with us, he sees disappointment in their eyes, particularly in our youngest, when he turns down their pleads to play hide and seek. The daily juggle that mums are used to; how to keep everyone happy, entertained and fed whilst keeping the house in some order and for many mums, working too. The guilt weighs heavy. Lockdown means working from home, but to our 3 year old, it just means we're home. He has no concept of what work means or what pressure careers can bring, especially when you depend on one income. It doesn't matter how much we'd love to hang with our little dudes, building garden forts and picnicking under the tree, we have to give time to other things. Unless we are willing to go homeless or insane, which funnily enough, we're not. But our youngest doesn't understand that. They get quality time with us. I'm a massive advocate for connecting deeply with our children. We routinely make a conscious effort to have fun and spend time together but if I'm honest, I think no matter how much quality time we give they'd always ask for more! 

So, why do we feel guilty when the majority of the time we're not giving the whole of ourselves to our children, is so we can do things FOR them. Like earn money to keep them sheltered and fed! Or take time for ourselves because it just makes us a nicer! Our expectations are unrealistic, thats why. These are moments to teach our children to respect the needs to others. To understand how to be patient or find a way through boredom. We feel guilty because their emotional discomfort hurts us, yet we feel we're the cause too. Complicated!

I came to the realisation during our chat, that we have to accept we won't always be the 'perfect parent'. I think so many of us think 'perfect parenting' means taking our children through childhood without being the cause of their difficult emotions. I don't think that's possible. That's not to say we shouldn't try. But sometimes, our job is to guide our children through challenging feelings that are directly related to us because it prepares them for life. Somehow we have to find a way to do that in the least toxic way we can and keeping attachments healthy! One of biggest lessons we can take from it is self forgiveness. We do the best we can with what we know. I think that has to be our aim. 

They're heading back to school in Australia, they're planning on heading back to school next week in England. At some point, we're all going to have to find our way through the transition from lockdown at home to a new school environment. Many parents are understandably nervous and apprehensive about it. Some are choosing not to return to school right now. Some have had such a positive home schooling experience they've decided that's the way forward for them. If there's one thing parents have taken from this time, it's a clearer perspective on education. How important is it? What's the best environment for their child to learn in? Maybe even a new found appreciation for teachers!

For those children who are eligible, able and have chosen to return to school, it's important to prepare them for the changes they are going to find. After what has been the biggest change many kids have experienced in their lives, they need to head back to school with a positive mindset and an understanding that the changes are there for good reason. But we also want to balance that with them feeling safe and secure, rather than unnerved by the new environment. Even if children are genuinely excited about going back to their school, a smooth return depends on preparation. It's crucial that parents and teachers don't underestimate the impact the last few months have taken. It may take time  for children to process and show their feelings about the school closures and lockdown, so we must tread carefully, guiding our children back into new normal.

Some of the things we'll need to prepare them for include:

• distancing 
• less children in school, including perhaps the absence of some of their close friends
• extra hygiene measures
• less time in school/different schedule
• smaller groups of children in their learning groups
• smaller groups of children to play with outside
• possibility of seeing adults wearing face coverings or gloves
• changes to drop offs and pick ups

How to we go about preparing our children for these changes?

• Firstly, be prepared yourself. Know what changes will occur. Take time to think about your opinions and process your feelings about the situation your family are in in regards to returning to school.
  
• Some schools may send home information for your child before they start which can be useful. Individual schools will have personalised approaches but generally, we can all prepare our children for the basics through conversations.
  
• Before you talk to your child about their return to school, ensure you reach a place where you can frame it in a positive way to avoid them sensing any anxiety that may effect their transition.
  
• For younger children, there are videos and songs shared across social media to encourage distancing and hand washing. To help children process the information on an emotional level, we've created a workbook for you to use with your child. Have a look at our Back to School 4 - 8 year old Booklet or the older version, the​ Back to School 8-11 year old version in our online shop.

These are strange times, but with a little extra guidance from us, we can take our children smoothly through these changes.