Finding calm and connection at Christmas

Do you feel like you get swept up in the wave of the silly season? Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas and there is something so magical about being a parent during the festive build up. Almost relieving your own childhood Christmases through your children.  But, its manic, fever pitched at times and by the time I get to Christmas itself there’s always an element of looking forward to the quiet patch between Christmas and New Year to recover. I’m sure there’s a better way! A calmer way. A festive season full of lovely moments with the family and a less frazzled mama. 
 
So, here’s some top tips I’ve come up with to help you have a very merry, calm and connected Christmas:

1. ORGANISATION. It goes without saying that being organised will reduce the stress. Set yourself spending budgets, research ahead and make a list of things you want to buy for people. If you’re easily drained or overwhelmed in busy shops, buy as much as possible online. Organise your food shop. Make a list and perhaps try and buy some long-life things like cranberry sauce in early December. We do a pretty big click and collect shop to last us a good week around the 20th of December, which means only needing to pick up last minute and fresh items on the day or so before Christmas itself. Spread the wrapping over several sessions! Don’t leave it all till Christmas Eve. And take my word for it, don’t leave building any toy kitchens etc until Christmas Eve. Been there, done that and started Christmas off in a grumpy tone. If you’re like me, you’ll love a Christmas movie and a glass of Bailey’s on Christmas Eve. Don’t miss out on something for you. Being organised with all the little details means more time to enjoy the present moment with the kids. 
2. ELVES. Think very carefully about introducing an Elf to your December schedule. December is C.R.A.Z.E.D. Thinking of elf antics is a commitment. We’ve got a 6-year gap between our kids and started the elf on the shelf with our eldest when she was about 5. Now we’ve got a second little human who, at 3, is only just starting to really get into the Christmas magic. Our eldest child is still a believer and looks forward to the elf arriving, so there’s no removing her (the elf that is) yet and so I don’t see an imminent end to the elf’s visits. If you already have an elf, consider taking their antics down a notch from the start so there’s less pressure on you. Or at least start with small things and build up! This year our elf is going to bring one of our lovely festive family cards. We’ve got a printable set of festive advent activities too if you need some last-minute suggestions.
   
3. BEHAVIOUR. Have a good think about how you pitch the whole naughty list, nice list or ‘the elf is watching you’ thing. It’s so tempting, I totally get it. When you’re rushing around trying to get things sorted, you just need the kids to help you out! But do check in with your stress levels. If you’re stressed out, you’ll have less patience. You’ll know what works for you and your child best, but discipline techniques such as the elf on the shelf or being on the naughty list tend to be empty threats and also, when you think about it, you’re essentially training your child to behave for materialistic gain. We want children to behave well because it makes them feel good not because they feel judged by an elf or Santa. Christmas is a massively overwhelming time for kids, which means self-regulating is harder. They’ll need more support from you through December. 
   
4. Which leads me on to asking yourself, WHO ARE YOU DOING IT FOR? Children get overstimulated with all the events, lights, noise and excitement. They get tired from end of year-itis, nativity productions and outings to the grottos, light switch ons, ice skating and maybe even the trips to Lapland or Euro Disney. We still tell the story of the year we took our eldest to Santa’s Lapland on a day trip to see Santa. She was 7 and a great age for it. It was an absolutely fabulous day and all the kids had a blast. But as we walked through the airport arrival terminal at 11PM, there were younger children struggling emotionally left, right and centre. A.K.A tantrums. But really just extremely tired, over stimulated children who no longer had control of their emotions. We literally saw a child who was too big to be carried being dragged along to passport control. And another being plonked into a wheelchair. We heard one parent say, “After I’ve just taken you to the North Pole to see Santa …”  I’m not highlighting this to judge. I’ve travelled to Australia and back with a kid at 6 months old, 10 months old, 20 months old, 3 years old, 4 years old and 7 years old. Travelling with kids is mare and an absolute parent breaker, so add Santa into the mix and travelling reaches a whole new height of stress. My point is, we want to give our children these wonderful experiences, of course we do. But who are we really doing it for? Give your child wonderful, magical, festive experiences but know your child’s limits. How much can they handle? How many late nights? How many busy events? How much noise? 
   
5. HOW DO YOU WANT TO FRAME CHRISTMAS IN YOUR HOME? Have a family conversation around what it’s all about for your family. There’s clearly a commercial element to this time of year, but we can help our children understand that not everyone finds Christmas easy. Perhaps make up a Christmas box for charity. There’s lots around now that collect boxes. Or encourage your children to donate a few old toys they no longer need or play with to the local charity shop. Oh and prepared for the big questions. Don’t get caught out with, “How does Santa get to everyone?” Or, “Why do some children get nothing?”.  
   
6. Make sure you SPEND TIME TOGETHER. Because, isn't that really what it’s all about? The memories that your children have of Christmas when they are adults themselves, will be about the experiences shared with you! Things that cost little but actually, are priceless, such as:

 

• Movie afternoons or nights
• Baking 
• A walk to see the local lights and decorations
• Put the tree up together with Christmas songs playing
• Christmas craft
• Christmas books and stories
• Games nights

 
Have fabulous festive, family time! Wishing you all a very, Merry and calm Christmas!