A Brand called Mother

A BRAND CALLED MOTHER
 
Being a mum is to feel vulnerable. 
 
Am I doing everything my child needs me to? What if my child is a picky eater? What if my child doesn’t sleep all night? What if my child doesn’t achieve expected developmental levels? What if my child struggles with separation anxiety? Will my child be liked and popular? What if my child doesn’t behave in socially acceptable ways? What if my child is mean sometimes? What will other people think of them? What will they think of me? 

What if my dreams for my child don’t come to fruition?
 
Our deepest fears and vulnerabilities make us uncomfortable and can lead us to form our own ‘mother brand’; an image we’re desperate to attain, envious of and try to project to others. It’s where encouragement becomes expectation, enjoyment becomes forced fun and influence becomes pressure.

When a mother weaves a story of herself, and more often her child, it always reflects the insecurities of the mother, hoping if others believe something is true, they can escape discomfort and maybe even make it reality.
 
Motherhood branding looks like:

• focusing on things seen as strengths e.g. a skill or a trait. It's OK to have a little dust here and there.
• exaggerating a perceived strength. It's OK for you and your child to be 'good enough'.
• influencing their child to believe their strengths are more than they actually are (goes beyond general encouragement). It's OK to allow your child to enjoy something for enjoyment's sake.
• ignoring a perceived negative e.g. ignoring or not addressing behaviours. It's OK to admit your child isn't perfect.
• making a concerted effort to stop or hide a particular behaviour/ part of your personality to please others. You don't have to change your child or yourself to make others comfortable. 
• excusing/minimising or defending a perceived negative e.g. ‘That’s so out of character’ or ‘She never does that’. It's OK to accept that sometimes your child might make someone uncomfortable.
• recognising a perceived negative but qualifying it with a reason or replacing it with a perceived strength (e.g. yes Alex isn’t very good at spelling, he’s just not academic but his sports skills make up for it). It's OK to have space to learn and grow.
• using social media to promote an overly positive image of family life. It's not helpful to base our happiness on the opinions of others.
• living vicariously through a child. Your child is their own person.
• is sometimes referred to as competitive motherhood

 
This is not to judge (we’ve all been there and still go there, if only in temptation to brand), but encouragement. Let’s be more aware. Because how positive is it for our children when we create a PR campaign around who they are?  When we face our insecurities, get comfortable with our fears and support other mums our kids will only benefit. It's here, in our work on our discomfort, that we gift our children acceptance and allow them the space to be comfortable in who they are.