We talk about nurturing children often, but what exactly does it mean to nurture and what is our role? The dictionary defines a nurturer as, “someone who nurtures others, offering food, protection, support, encouragement, or training”. On the face of it, nurturing appears to be about caring and protection. It wasn’t that long ago that parents and educators were mostly focused on the logistical elements of nurturing such as feeding, clothing, sheltering, and imparting knowledge. The emotional development of a child wasn’t a priority factor in the way that it is today, or at the very least, wasn’t an area that was understood enough to be able to consciously nurture. Now when we think about nurturing children, we are more aware of the holistic picture.
 
Research and developments in psychology now help us understand that nurturing a child involves several pillars. Rather than looking simply at providing for basic needs, we understand that nurturing is also about the people and relationships in a child’s life. We also understand that rather than focusing on the child’s personality (although this does need reflecting on when developing a nurturing approach, which we’ll touch upon later), we create the optimum environment. Much like the analogy of planting a seed in the nutrient rich soil to ensure its healthy growth.

​Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs shows us a model for meeting needs and nurturing. At the bottom of the pyramid are our basic physiological needs. From there, we build upon our needs until we reach the top of the pyramid where we can grow and spend time on personal development and fulfilment. It’s important to note this is a theory. It has been recognised that people may require their needs met in a different order and there is debate as to whether there is a hierarchy at all. But as a guide, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs draws awareness to our human needs and helps us reflect on how to nurture our children. There is certainty amongst psychologists that when basic needs, such as safety, security, and attachment, are not met, children cannot reach their potential in learning. This is significant and suggests that we should, most definitely, pay attention to how we might consciously provide both physical and emotional care.

So, how can we nurture children?
 
We need to look at nurture from physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual perspectives. Although these are separate elements, they are also interconnected. Physical nurturing involves the provision of good food, shelter, clothing, hygiene etc. When we take of children’s physical needs, we also send them an emotional based message that they are loved and cared about. Emotional nurturing relates to consideration of their self-esteem, mental health, development of coping skills and resilience. Mental nurturing involves opportunity to learn and develop skills that help them gain fulfilment and purpose in life. This links back to emotional nurturing as their learning and skill acquisition impacts confidence, self-esteem, and overall happiness. It also links to spiritual nurturing as we help them discover their passions, purpose, place in the world and develop their understanding of self. As you can see, these elements of nurture cannot be disconnected.
 
After the provision of physical needs, we can first and foremost, make ourselves aware of attachment theory. This is based on the concept of early relationships that children form with a significant adult. The theory states that a strong, secure attachment with at least one main caregiver is crucial to a child’s development. This attachment has the power to influence a child’s emotional wellbeing, future relationships and even links to future generations. It is worth becoming familiar with the 4 attachment styles and reflecting on our own experiences as well as how that may be presenting itself in our relationships with children.
 
In addition to this, we can choose our approach to our interactions with children that are rooted in a few principles. These principles are:

• Children are individuals. Acceptance of a child’s stage of development, personality, learning style and challenges as well as strengths creates an environment where self-esteem can grow. A commitment to supporting a child as an individual with unique interests and strengths (free of any rigid expectations we may be holding) also means giving space to find purpose.
• Talking and active listening. Remembering that we are in a relationship with a child allows us to make space for talking, listening, and guiding rather than directing, instructing, and lecturing. Feeling heard helps a child to know they matter. This leads to greater confidence, self-belief, and self-respect.
• Behaviour is communication. By nature, children’s ability to regulate and make appropriate choices in times of emotional challenges is limited. This is brain development. Over time, they learn the skill of regulation and become better decision makers. When we base our response to dysregulated reactions in the knowledge that those reactions are communicating something to us (an unmet need, a stressor, guidance towards a more appropriate reaction), we can limit the impact that punishment or feeling isolated with a big emotion can have on a child.

 
How does nurturing a child look in real life?
Nurturing a child involves simple everyday interactions, relationship building and some inner work for us the adults.
 
Ways you can nurture your child include:

• Provide good food.
• Provide clean, weather appropriate clothing.
• Provide a warm home (ideally consider any sensory needs in relation to noise, space your child may need etc and routines that your child may require) where physical safety is protected.
• Allow expression of feelings.
• Be a listener.
• Validate feelings. Be empathetic.
• Hug. Or gentle hair ruffles.
• Laugh together. Play or be playful.
• Be present.
• Understand developmental stage so your expectations are appropriate.
• Provide non-confrontational opportunities for discussing (age appropriate) world, national or societal issues, expectations for behaviour, emotional challenges, or relationship issues. Speak respectfully.
• Model and teach healthy coping strategies.
• Apologise.
• Ask questions about your child’s life, friendships.
• Choose your consequences for unwanted behaviours or reactions and use them consistently. Try to use consequences that teach rather than punish. Natural consequences can be a useful approach.
• Give age-appropriate tasks that show trust.
• Encourage activities that promote physical health such as sports or creativity.
• Have dedicated family time, 1-1 time.
• Have screen use boundaries that work for your family.
• Model relaxation and mindfulness
• Provide education.
• Answer big questions honestly and as best you can.
• Provide social opportunities.

 
Nurturing children is a big responsibility. Have self-compassion, especially on those days where you doubt yourself. Your ability to nurture is dependent on your own wellbeing so taking care of yourself is important to do alongside taking care of your child. Remember, once you’ve taken care of the basic physical needs, nurturing comes down to relationships. Prioritise that and your future self, your child, and the generations to come will thank you.   

In my coaching work, we focus a lot on top down (brain to body) strategies which means cognitive approaches to emotional challenges and regulation. Recent training I’ve undertaken has meant I’ve begun working more deeply on nervous system regulation strategies that support the bottom up (body to brain) approach to managing emotions. This has added more techniques beyond breathing to my toolkit. In addition, during my Kinesiology training, I came across primitive reflexes and it opened a whole new level of ways to help children with their emotional challenges that involves the Nervous System.
 
Of course, emotions aren’t isolated experiences for our children. It’s not as simple as experiencing an event and it causing a ripple effect that is the behaviour we may see. Like the tip of an iceberg, the behaviour is the release of emotional energy or coping strategies that the child may employ. Beneath the surface are many possible triggers and circumstances that occur. These include individual external events, small or large, but also include internal circumstances that we, as the adults caring and nurturing a child, may not fully understand or even be aware of. These internal events include, amongst others, sensory preferences, personality traits such as high sensitivity, sensory processing difficulties, undiagnosed or mild neurological or neurodevelopmental disorders or … retained primitive reflexes.
 
Primitive Reflexes are involuntary reflexes that infants have to survive and develop. You’ll have noticed some of these reflexes are checked for shortly after birth. In the early years, as the central nervous system develops, these reflexes are “integrated” and become voluntary responses. Some children and adults have retained primitive reflexes, which means the reflex wasn’t fully integrated and is now impacting cognitive and/or motor skills. The main primitive reflexes are:

• Fear paralysis reflex
• Moro (startle) reflex
• TLR Reflex
• ATNR Reflex
• STNR
• Root and Suck Reflex
• Palmer Grasp Reflex
• Babinski Reflex

The benefits of mindfulness and meditation are becoming widely accepted. From stress reduction, to mood enhancement to productivity, to creativity, to clarity of thought ... the list of benefits is compelling. There are also interesting studies that have been done on the positive impact of meditation on children with ADHD. 

But should we teach meditation to kids? As parents (and educators for that matter), who are under pressure to get things right, we must determine whether teaching meditation to kids is merely another item on an already lengthy to-do list or a valuable tool to enhance their lives. We need to examine the science and ensure that we are not succumbing to society's fleeting trends and expectations. Because we all know how in this digital world, phases and crazes come fast, burn bright and then disappear without a trace! I've done the research for you. So, let's have a look at what I found ...

Meditation seems to definitely be a powerful thing. I've even started a little routine myself during my research and have found myself to rather enjoying it. In my experience, mindfulness and meditation present an opportunity for us to find a sense of calm and clarity amidst the chaos. I feel more focused, clearer and refreshed after a meditation. But I've also found that I currently need the help of guided meditations to reach a point that I assume is the meditative state. Calming the mind isn't the easiest thing to do in the noise or speed of our modern world. My conscious, analytical brain is taking some effort to quiet. In my personal experience so far, I feel like I need to learn how to meditate and how to reach the state where the magic happens. It involves the right environment, the time to ensure I'm not interrupted and some help from experienced meditators. 

When researching meditation, I discovered that changes occur in the brain which are measured in the form of brainwaves. During meditation brainwave frequency slows, usually beginning with Alpha waves as we experience a calming of our nervous system, then into Theta waves as we begin to feel day dreamy and then possibly into the sharp focus associated with gamma waves if you're a more experienced meditator. Theta waves appears to be the main type of brain wave experienced during meditation, which is what you will recognise as daydreaming or being on autopilot. You know that drive you did where you can't remember a chunk of the journey. Eeek! You were probably daydreaming in theta wave range! There's a lot of information out there about what these stages can do to benefit our health and wellbeing from mood shifts to even releasing chemicals that positively boost our physical health. Pretty magical stuff. Us humans are pretty cool.

So, what about kids and meditation? Well, curiously, children under 7 are in theta brain wave range a lot. Naturally, they are in a creative, imaginative state which means they experience this brain wave range without needing to sit with their legs crossed and eyes closed. As an aside, this frequency range also means the brain is very susceptible to information. Hello childhood conditioning! That's a topic for another post, but I just wanted to refer to it here, because I think that's an important bit of information for parents to have. Moving on. So, as deep meditation requires such focus and stillness, would that be an appropriate expectation for children? Or would their natural ability to engage in creative, imaginative states of play be meditative enough? Perhaps encouraging mindfulness in the form of observing the small details on a leaf, the stillness of a bedtime story, the relaxation of music, the attention to the breath or the creativity of drawing or writing is where our meditation teaching should begin. A progression ladder of mindful, child friendly activities that help teach them the skills they might need should they wish to meditate more deeply at some point. It's this awareness that we have when we are being mindful that we need to utilise when we try to sit and meditate. 

As parents, understanding these 3 can help us lose any 'mum guilt' and feel reassured if our children can't sit cross legged with their thumb and forefinger pressed together whilst repeating a mantra yet. 

1. Mindfulness differs from meditation. Mindfulness is the skill of awareness. It means paying attention and observing using the senses. It is slow and relaxing but can be done alongside our daily activities such as when walking or eating. 
2. Meditation differs from mindfulness. Meditation is practice that uses the skill of mindfulness. Meditation also requires other skills that children may not have developed enough yet, such as intention, concentration and focus. Deep meditation involves going beyond the conscious mind and using the subconscious mind rather than the senses.
3. Children under 7 but even up to aged 13 (depending on the child) can access day dreamy theta wave states that are meditative through their imaginative or creative play. They're already entering a state that is beneficial without our interference. 
4. Meditation and Mindfulness are both excellent for emotional and physical health, but emotions still need to be moved through the body for a healthy nervous system. Stuck emotions or repressed emotions aren't gone. Books such as The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and When The Body says No by Gabor Mate both explore this topic in detail, showing us the effect of stress on the body and the importance of emotional expression. Many holistic and complementary therapists will also tell you how stuck emotions and stress play havoc with their clients physical symptoms. 

You can see from these points that some children aren't ready for deeper meditative activity and how mindfulness is so important anyway. We can be mindful anytime. We do meditation. But neither necessarily move big emotions from our body on their own. Combine the provision of mindful opportunities with imaginative play and the space for children to express their emotions (in healthy ways) seems to be a solid strategy for children's emotional wellbeing now and in the future. And maybe one day they'll sit and experience the magic that is meditation too. ​

Post pandemic travel is most definitely on the cards again for many of us. This summer we're travelling overseas again for the first time since 2019. Whilst preparing to travel with a 6 year old, it reminded me of all the wellbeing benefits that travel has to offer. I'm looking forward to showing him a bit more about the world!

When my now 13 year old daughter was young, we travelled quite extensively as well as living overseas for 6 years. I can see the positive impact these experiences had on her. She oozes wanderlust and dreams of own travel adventures that she plans to take when she is old enough. She has spent hours researching travel routes and has a wonderful thirst to see new places and experience different cultures. 

Climate issues aside, travelling mindfully as a family is a beautiful thing. Here's a few reasons why ...

• develops children's (and maybe the adults!) curiosity about the world
• provides time to slow down, be mindful of the moment you are in and relax
• gives opportunity to develop social skills and build new friendships
• gives space for family time and encourages connection through quality time, meaningful conversations and being present for each other
• builds positive memories
• encourages adaptability
• encourages flexibility
• develops independence and responsibility
• chance to learn about diversity and develop acceptance of differences
• chance to learn new facts or about the past, broadens thinking
• encourages trying new things
• develops confidence

To get the most out of your mindful travel, you might consider some planning ahead. Of course, travel can be stressful at times so being well prepared will help keep everything running smoothly and enable everyone to enjoy the journey as well as the destination. You can encourage mindfulness whilst travelling through games like 'I spy' or simply engaging your child in some people watching. I always find it an interesting experience to take a moment to step back in busy environments such as airports or train stations and just watch. 

When you've arrived at your holiday destination, consider asking your child some questions that encourage reflection and observation each day. Some ideas include learning a new word from another language, observing how the place feels different to home, closing eyes and listening to surroundings, conversations around the culture, stargazing and noting what sort of food is on the menu. Of course, if you've chosen a beach holiday, the shore line offers many mindful opportunities just because of the proximity to the water! Hmmm, the sounds of waves lapping at the shore ... Annnnd relax. 

We know how easy it can be for good intentions to drift, so we've created a printable Mindful Travel Journal for Little Explorers! It provides two weeks of structured journal entries that you and your child can fill in each day that helps them become curious travellers and nurtures global citizenship!

You can download My Travel Adventures here:

How do you plan to incorporate mindfulness into your family travel?

Mental health is a hot topic of conversation these days. Mental Health Awareness Week or not we're all talking about it. A lot. Outside of my work with children and their parents, friends are talking about their own mental health, and my social media feeds are full of advice, personal stories, insight and even products that will help. Here's why I think this is awesome ... (POV!) my understanding of mental health is that it informs our human experience of life.

Mental health is now being seen not only as a term that includes specific diagnosis and disorder anymore, but as a more general term that we can all relate to in some shape or form. We are beginning to understand that mental health (thoughts, emotions, behaviours and social wellbeing) AND physical health together inform our experience of what it means to be human.

However, our experiences are very much our own. The downside of all the conversation that is happening now, is that we run the risk of assuming someone else's description of mental health is a measure our own. One person's idea of anxiety may be very manageable, whereas for others, it may be quite unbearable!

This is why I love building children's self-awareness in sessions because they get to learn about how emotions feel for them. Self-awareness is a key pillar of emotional intelligence and gives children the ability to name what they feel and learn what they need to move through emotions.

Interoception activities develop this self-awareness. Body Mapping or Body Scan is such as simple and powerful way of helping children tune into their body sensations (developing interoception, a sense that helps us understand our inner sensations) and become aware of their (probably very normal) emotions! Every child I've worked with has felt less overwhelmed by their big feelings once they've explored how that shows up in their body. 

Why is this important for emotional wellbeing?

​Well, our brains are constantly monitoring our body so it can make decisions. This is usually something that happens outside of our conscious awareness. This is how we know that we need to drink water or go to the toilet. When it comes to emotions, we also experience changes to our body internally. Our breathing, heart rate and body temperature are all examples of how our might change in response to an emotion. Becoming aware of sensations and then applying this the context of the situation we are in can help us regulate emotions and improve our decision making. So, for example, it's reflecting on body sensations in the context of going to a football game that will help a child learn to tell if they feel excited or scared. Imagine feeling intense physical sensations associated with big emotions and stress responses and not understanding that this is linked to the spelling test you're about to sit. These experiences can be extremely overwhelming for children. When they become aware that their physical signs of emotional stress are linked to situations in which they are actually safe, they are then more able to regulate their physical and emotional experience. ​

Our Emotion Sorting Activity Programme (click the image to learn more about this programme) contains a body mapping exercise, including a session plan to follow too! I’d strongly recommend parents and educators take the time to do a body mapping exercise when trying to support a child through a situation that is causing some big emotions. Aside from developing self-awareness for the child, these activities are also great ways to connect and understand the child you are supporting.
 
There are a few things you could focus on to help children tune into their physical sensations, developing their sense of interoception:

• Temperature – does the emotion feel hot or cold?
• Colour – discuss the colour that comes to mind associated with emotion
• Weight – does an emotion feel heavy or light?
• Speed – does the emotion or associated energy/sensations feel fast or slow?
• Touch/texture – if you could touch the emotion how would it feel? This might be felt in the body for example, tight, knotty, spikey, swirly.

 
Exploring emotions through the sensations experienced and the context of the emotion, such as thoughts and day to day events or situations is a way we can start children on their emotional and personal development journey. These are life skills that support emotional intelligence, mental health and wellbeing. Understanding physical sensations and how they link to emotions supports regulation skills and together these skills underpin overall wellbeing. We should't underestimate the impact of developing children's interoception on their wellbeing. 
 
Try Body Mapping and see what great conversations happen!

​Give them opportunities to develop resilience.
Resilience building is one of the key traits in emotional intelligence, boosting wellbeing through a strong link with self-esteem. Although resilience is required when faced with a challenge and therefore may not be accompanied by obvious feelings of happiness in the short term, it is connected to lower levels of distress. Resilient kids are required to look for and use their strengths, think flexibly and optimistically, learn from mistakes, and involve positive beliefs about self. Resilience overarches a general feeling of satisfaction which is a form of long-term happiness.

Support them to build healthy relationships.
There is so much research that shows feeling connected to others is a major factor in our happiness. In fact, a Harvard University study suggests that relationships are a predictor of long-term happiness. Positive, healthy relationships can help reduce stress and are connected to strong happy emotions. Guiding and coaching our kids to develop healthy friendships supports their happiness. Trust, listening, kindness and empathy are just some of the characteristics to support. You can read more about this on a previous blog.

Focus praise on effort rather than achievement.
Focusing on effort raises self-esteem and helps children to build a positive self-image. A study by Carol Dweck, the leading psychologist behind the theory of growth mindset, suggests that praising effort is motivating and boosts performance. Growth Mindset is the belief one has in their ability to improve and learn. This belief means that more time and effort is put into challenges, which leads to higher achievement. In turn, this boosts self-esteem, and a cycle emerges that happiness becomes the centre of in the form of satisfaction and optimism.

Show them how to reframe thinking.
Reframing is a thinking strategy that breaks a negative thought cycle. The human brain has a bias called the Negativity Bias. This describes the tendency to take more notice of negative experiences and place more importance on them, even when presented with an equal amount of positive experience.
Even though we may think we see everything truthfully, the reality is that our minds are managing a huge amount of information at any given moment and therefore filtering occurs. Encouraging our children to assess their thinking and alter perspectives to more accurate views can all address the negativity bias through optimism and gratitude. This can help them manage uncomfortable emotions such as worry, anxiety and sadness. Examples include turning the thought “All my friends can do this accept me” into “What are my friends doing that I can learn from?” and stepping out of the anxiety associated with starting a new after school club by thinking about all the good things that will come from it.

Help them recognise how they feel and build self-awareness.
Emotional intelligence and happiness are interconnected. Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware. They know themselves well. They understand their feelings and the things that create them. People with high EQ are also pretty good at implementing thinking strategies to their emotions, building resilience and the ability to regulate and return to calm more quickly. Because they understand themselves, they tend to know their values and stick to them which means they are closest to their best self, promoting longer term happiness such as pride, contentment, and an inner sense of peace. On top of all that, emotionally intelligent people have a growth mindset, so they aren’t caught up in a negative self-image.  

This probably feels big when we apply it to the context of raising children, but when we remind ourselves that they, like all of us, are on a journey through life we understand that emotional intelligence is about self-development. In the context of raising happy kids, this really means helping them to develop curiosity about themselves, their emotions, their relationships and what will make life a success for them.

Visit our resource store to find resources that build emotional intelligence!

Goal setting is a life skill. If you think of goal setting as teaching a life skill rather than helping your child reach a destination, it can take the pressure off the big goal itself. Every little step towards a big goal is just as important as the trophy raising moment itself.

The problem with setting big goals is that they can be easily derailed. Even for adults, working towards a big or long term goal takes mental effort and commitment. It can be an emotional rollercoaster as failures and set backs are experienced. So for children, who are still developing emotional resilience, a failure on the road to a big goal can feed into low self esteem or lack of confidence. Although we don't want to smooth the road out too much for them, we do want to prepare one that provides just the right amount of resilience building 'bumps' along the way, giving them a chance to feel they've got some miles under their belt before they hit another bump in the road. 

If there's 6 things to remember when setting goals with a child, it would be these:

1. Make it achievable. There's nothing more de-motivating than being set a goal that feels out of reach, something far in the future or doesn't give some success early on. Make the goal challenging enough that effort is required, but not so hard that the child feels they'll never get there. You can break a bigger goal down into smaller ones and set the next step once the first has been achieved. This is a great way to boost self esteem! Remember goal setting is a life skill, so learning the process of how to achieve is really important!
2. Create small habits. Just like us, a child will bounce straight back out of trying to achieve a goal if we don't support them in creating small habits that help them on their way. For example, if the goal is to get 10 hours sleep a night, then creating habits such as going to bed at the same time/getting up at the same time, will make it far more likely that they'll achieve that 10 hour goal. Again, the little steps are crucial! 
3. Make it meaningful. Gaining Golden Goals 101. The goal has to be important to the child.
4. Promote a growth mindset. Success is more likely when a child has a growth mindset. When they believe they can do something or learn with effort, they are motivated to keep trying. This is another reason why breaking goals down into smaller goals is effective. Success breeds success. When a child feels a sense of accomplishment, their self esteem is boosted which in turn will support the development of a growth mindset in relation to their goal. 
5. Balance is crucial in goal setting with children. Find the fine line between too hard and too easy. In this sweet spot, a child can develop resilience, self esteem and growth mindset. Here they will thrive.
6. Engagement with the goal is key. I've been asked if goal setting is really necessary. In my opinion, I don't think we have to go looking for it (so don't go looking for goals in January just because of the New Year hype!). When it comes to kids, meaningful opportunities for emotion coaching are always the best way to support emotional development so the process is immersive and experiential. This is definitely true of goal setting! To stand any chance of achieving a goal through conscious goal setting, the goal really has to mean something to the child. 

Enjoy watching your child set goals and thrive!

Calm Corners are a great way to help children learn emotional regulation skills. The ability to self regulate is a key element of emotional intelligence and an important life skill. Traditional parenting approaches don't tend to teach emotional regulation skills explicitly, but research shows that directing our children to specific calming strategies and providing space for mindfulness helps nurture resilient kids. 

The ability to regulate emotions isn't something that happens overnight. The area of the brain responsible for reason and logic isn't fully developed until early adulthood. However, children should learn about feelings, their emotional triggers and how to soothe themselves to lay the foundations for an emotionally healthy life. Plus, I'm always amazed at how easily children embrace calming strategies  ... even when their thinking brains are still maturing! 

​

Calm Corners provide the space, environment and resources that support emotional regulation. By designating an area for calming down, children can remove themselves from their emotional trigger and process their feelings. 

There are several important ingredients for a calm corner:

1. Something that helps children identify what they are feeling. 
This could take the form of a Feelings Check In sheet, Feelings Cards or a Feelings Print. Naming a feeling is known to calm a nervous system that is in a stress response. 

2. Calming Strategy Visual Prompts
Children need easy to access calming strategies to support their emotional development and regulation skills. This is something children need to be explicitly shown and taught! A strategy poster, cards or other visual prompts such as the posters in our natural, mindful yoga themed Calm Down Corner Kit are or the cards in our Calming Strategy Kit are perfect for teaching children the ways to find calm. I'd suggest having conversations around these strategies too, asking your child what they noticed about the way they felt in their bodies, which will help their brains make links between the strategies and feeling calmer, making it more likely they will use them in the future! 

3. Resources that support emotional regulation 
A toolbox of resources to support regulation and self soothing are great additions to Calm Down Corners. I'd recommend sensory/fidget toys, glitter bottles, puzzles (non frustrating ones!), reading books, cuddly teddy, and a favourite blanket. Most of these items will use the senses and provide the sensory input that helps the nervous system feel safe and therefore calm. 

4. Mindfulness Tools
Set up your Calm Corner with some tools that will provide your child an opportunity for mindful moments that help them reflect on and process their feelings. These tools could include colouring pages, pens and paper for drawing or writing, tracing pages, breathing technique prompts or journal pages. Our Calm Down Corner Kit provides these opportunities through printable sheets that you can instantly download here.

Where should I locate my Calm Down Corner?
As a former primary school teacher, I know the important that the environment has on children's ability to learn and access their thinking. The location of your Calm Down Corner is important for this reason too. Choose an area of your home that is quiet and calm. Somewhere that, ideally, isn't too busy or overwhelming in terms of household clutter or family traffic! I love to use bean bags, cushions and soft blankets in our Calm Corner. I've also created a den in the past to house our Calm Corner as it lent itself to my child's interest at the time. 

Why should I have a Calm Down Corner?
A designated space gives your child a clear action to take when they feel overwhelmed by big feelings such as anger, frustration or worry. By creating a space for them, you can also provide them with accessible prompts that can help them calm their feelings, educating them with life long skills and also structuring their response to their feelings without you having to be right next to them. Sometimes children need the space/distance a calm down corner provides before they are ready and able to have a reasonable discussion with you. Calm Corners can also help children feel safe when big feelings overwhelm them, soothing their emotional brain and helping them find calm. 

Did you know ... ?
If your child is a little Space Enthusiast, we've created My Chill Out SPACE - A Space Themed Calm Corner Kit! Why not get really creative and set up a 'rocket corner' filled with the resources in this printable kit! Using your child's interests will help motivate them to use and engage with the space that you create. 

Let us know if you've got any questions about creating a Calm Corner by commenting below! ​

In our busy, modern world it is VERY tempting for us as parents to try to sweep our children’s emotions away. Instinctive responses such as ‘you’ll be fine’, ‘there’s no point worrying about it’ or ‘well, you’re good at this subject aren’t you so the exam will be easy’, often leave our mouths before we’ve realised and come from a place of wanting our children to be ok.
 
It can also be extremely difficult for us emotionally when our child is overwhelmed. We are often unconsciously triggered emotionally, whether that be because of our own past experiences or because we are tired and have an ‘empty tolerance cup’. After a busy day at work, you are likely to become emotionally triggered if, at 6PM the night before the exam, your child comes to you upset and worried. You would certainly not be alone if you rolled your eyes in frustration and exasperatedly said, “And now you tell me!’' Or wearily yawned 'You’ll be fine” and sent them to bed with a ruffle of the hair.
 
What our children really need from us in their emotionally challenging moments is to feel understood. When we try to sweep them on through their feelings at speed, we may get some short-term relief from the discomfort of being around a child with big feelings. I get it. Sometimes the crying, whining or the general energy that emotions bring (the tween door slam gives me an instant tense, tight jaw!) is just too much. But if we always brush them away or try to fix the issue, children can sense our discomfort of big emotions. This becomes a missed opportunity to develop emotional intelligence and teach them healthy habits. Rushing our children through big emotions or ‘fixing’ the issue teaches our children to suppress, avoid or use other unhealthy habits to cope with their big emotions. It can also lead to feelings of shame around experiencing challenging emotions.
 
Although difficult and requiring our own self growth, our children need us to show them that it’s OK to sit with big feelings, accept them and become curious. Reassuringly, research shows that even doing this just some of the time is effective, which gives us some space to be human!

It’s important to remember that pushing feelings away tends to lead to them popping back up with increased force! Repeatedly! The more we can support our children in these moments the more their emotional intelligence will grow. Big feelings will settle when children feel listened to and understood, even if the reason for their emotions seem nonsensical to us.
 
One question that can help in a challenging emotional moment is to ask your child,
“What do you need?”.
 
“What do you need?”.
A simple, powerful question! With just these four words you can:

• reduce the number of times you try and ‘fix’ an issue for your child
• encourage your child to reflect on the message the emotion is giving them
• empower your child to identify their needs and therefore increase their resilience and ability to cope with challenging emotions
• help your child manage their feelings in a healthier way
• help your child settle their feelings more quickly as they (and the message of their emotion) have been ‘heard’.

 
Try it next time and see what happens!